Golden rules for finding your life partner - by Rabbi Dov Heller, M.A.

This may or maynot work, but it'll atleast help to make decisions and again depends on the individuals and mutual consent...

A relationship coach lays out his 5 golden rules for reviewing the prospects of long-term marital success.When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake.Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50 percent (in USA), it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr./Ms. Right!
If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love." I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date.Choosing a life partner should never be based on love.Though this may sound not politically correct, there's a profound truth here. Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage.When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come.Let me say it again You CANNOT build a lifetime relationship on love alone. You need a lot more. Here are 5 questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding & keeping a lifepartner.

QUESTION #1
Do we share a common life purpose?
Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat & jog together? You need to share something deeper & more meaningful. You need a common life purpose. Two things can happen in a marriage. You can grow together, or you can grow apart. 50 percent of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life - bottom line - & marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION #2
Do I feel safe expressing my feelings & thoughts with this person?
This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust- i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts & feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts & feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION #3
Is he/she a mensch? A mensch is someone who is a refined & sensitive person.
How can you test?Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis?Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good & do the right thing."
So ask about your significant other What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement.
There are essentially two types of people in the world: People who are dedicated to personal growth & people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION #4
How does he/she treat other people?
The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves & self-absorbed? To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc. How do they treat parents & siblings? Do they have gratitude & appreciation?
If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything, you cannot expect that they'll have gratitude for you-who can't do nearly as much for them!
Do they gossip & speak badly about ot hers? Someone who gossips cannot be someone who loves others. You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION #5
Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?
Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it, "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage .. for the worse!" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them. In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult & treacherous. The key is to tr y leading a little more with your head & less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating, to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues.

Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework. ………

Proud To Be An INDIAN???

Not really......sadly... not anymore.What is left now to be so proud of ?All types of " senas' "?Who are these ?Self appointed govt...or do they think they are some military force ?Who appointed them our moral guardians ?Immorality and goondagardi camouflaged as culture security ?Is it in our indain culture to beat women up, to molest them and abuse them ?These people are definitely not rooted into any culture.They dont even know the true meaning of sri ram.Is this how these people interpret maryada purushottam ?The BJP is surely going to pay a big price this elections.The true reason for this action is that the lounge Amnesia did not pay 'hafta' to the govt.The sena chief continues to defend the hooligans by sayin "it was not that bad.. we were only chasing the girls out...choti se baat hai humari sanskriti ko bachaane ke liye" .How shameless!.The other side is that maniac Raj Thackckrey,who continues to be so jealous of north indians in maharashtra.It's all his insecurity.He knows that these guys will take over the good jobs as they very very intelligent.Is'nt it all ones' personal credit ?It could be a bihari, a bengali, a gujrati, a punjabi or a marathi....he's first an INDIAN!!!It was shocking to watch six hundred people being beaten up by 6 maniacs...wonder why they could not strike back.Agar marna hi hai to maar ke maro.!All the politicians should be hanged!
Posted by Ash at 1:20 AM 0 comments
Wednesday, January 28, 2009

De Politicise our system

I was recently in luckhnow.To watch something on the tv is bad,but to see something happening in front of your own eyes is worse.Its shocking how Mayawati is running her govt.Its openly called the hafta govt.Everyone knows what happened to the P.W.D.engg.A hafta of rs 4 lacs was being asked to be contributed towards the U.P govt C.M's upcoming birthday bash.I know of a certain Mr. "z" who retorted back saying "aap mujhe chaar laakh de do, mai resign kar doonga".I salute his boldness.People are simply fed up of this bad political system.Another eg. of this goondagardi is our karnataka govt.Everyone by now knows of Mr. Yedurappa's incompetency.Worse is when he tries to manipulate the I.A.S postings to suit his govt,in the process doing so much injustice around.First the BJP govt in karnataka takes a huge bribe to appoint someone(for the best post) inspite of that man's lack of knowledge n capabilities,then sacks him out realizing he's no good,n when the most deserving candidate(by work as well as by seniority)refuses to go by the wrong way(bribing etc)then someone out of turn is appointed for that post,also justifying him belonging to a S.C lobby.I just want to say that now things have gone beyond repair.I strongly feel that we must DEPOLITICISE our system.My contribution is by boycotting the voting system.We need a whole new system.I do not want to be a part of this negative karmic cycle by keeping quiet.Do you???
Posted by Ash at 11:06 PM 0 comments
Sunday, January 4, 2009

Insensitivity of our politicians

Its so hurting to hear our own politicians passing the bucks,where unable to do so,insulting our martyrs,their families and us who want action now instead of sugar coated words.Mr Naqvi lashes out commenting on the 'lipstick n powder coated faces' who are out with candles expressing grief, and the Kerala CM comments "if it were not for Sandeep Unnikrishnan even a dog would not have gone to their house".To top it all off Mr Ram Gopal Verma comes out wanting to make a movie out of this entire incident.Is it ALWAYS about making money?.RR Patil comments "such things keep happening".Its a shame that their conscience have stopped speaking to them.As Farookh Sheikh said "netaon ki to topi bhi nahi hilti" being the reason they are unable to relate to the pain.My question straight to them is 'Mr politician, do you think this is a SMALL thing?'If they are not responsilbe,who is?The IAS officials busy filling their banks n debating uselessly over the few hundreds of a rise for the most deserving NSG, army etc..or our intelligence squad who inspite of getting threat mails announce that the security is perfect and that no harm can be done.?Its together our entire system which is simply deteriorating.If it were not for us..the common man..who each time get up with a stronger faith,India would be doomed.What are we to fight each time?the terror from outside... or the incompetance of OUR OWN CHOSEN ONES..????
Posted by Ash at 9:53 PM 3 comments
Monday, December 1, 2008

National Emergency

Its truly terrible what happened in Mumbai.Its a shame how the ruling and opposition parties see this as another ground to blame each other and gather votes.We have only to choose between the most inept leaders.Why let such incapable people lead our India? a criminal's last refuge is politics.We must declare NATIONAL EMERGENCY and begin a MOVEMENT NOW!My take on this is to simply boycott the elections.To hell with the elections.Once the elections are done,we will all forget this extremely tragic event and resume life..coz as they say Indians live from crisis to crisis.Lets end this here.We need to refresh the entire system.We dont want such losers for our leaders.We need to either pick a whole lot of fresh young dynamic and dedicate minds, or simply reinforce 'president rule'.We are being misguided at every front.Even in the name of religion,wrong ideas are being instilled into the minds people.We have simply not understood the true meaning of democracy.

Posted by Ash at 1:07 AM 4 comments
Sunday, November 30, 2008